5 ways to keep your long-distance friendships alive
What do you do when you or your best friend moves 10,000 miles away? There is hope, says Hannah Davies, who has sought some words of wisdom from 'Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend' author Dr Irene S Levine
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โYour oldest friends are almost like a scrapbook of your life,โ says Dr Irene S Levine, friendship expert, psychologist and author of thefriendshipblog.com. โThey knew the person you were as well as the person you have become, and can pick up nuances without you having to make lengthy explanations.โ
So what can you do if one of you moves to the other side of the world?
1. Commit
Make time to pick up the phone, email or text to keep up with each otherโs lives. โThe precise frequency of contact varies from friendship to friendship, but you need to discuss this and re-negotiate it over time,โ says Dr Levine. โItโs important that you recognise milestones such as birthdays, anniversaries or promotions, and show support through difficult times such as a loss or divorce.โ
2. Personalise
Social media is great for keeping in touch, but find new, more personal ways of communicating. An old-fashioned letter or a photograph of you both from your teenage years will go a long way to make your friend feel special. โTalk about the ways that work best for you both,โ advises Dr Levine. โFor example, it may be that one of you hates Facebook or feels uncomfortable receiving messages at work.โ
3. Create new memories
โWhen it comes to properly maintaining friendships, old memories wonโt suffice,โ explains Dr Levine. โFriends need to create rituals to build new memories together.โ You can try visiting the same restaurant or cafรฉ whenever you see one another, or perhaps invest in a shared holiday at a midway point between your two countries.
4. Focus in
Show that youโre interested in your friendโs life by asking about her kidsโ school, her social life and even what she had for lunch! The intimate details often count for more than the bigger picture.
5. Be honest
โAcknowledge that you spend less time together, or that thereโs a void, or that your relationship has changed,โ suggests Dr Levine. โAnd help each other adjust.โ
Photograph: iStock