An introvert’s guide to dating an extrovert

How do you meet your introvert needs when your partner is an extroverted social butterfly? Coach Lucy Griffiths shares her advice...


introvert dating extrovert tips

If you’re an introvert who is dating an extrovert, you’ve probably experienced moments when you felt pushed out of your comfort zone.

No matter how understanding and kind your partner may be, perhaps they are not able to understand your need to recharge in solitude, as they eagerly suggest yet another night out. If you’re in this boat, read on for our expert tips for an introvert who is dating an extrovert…

introvert dating extrovert tips

Dating as an introvert

For many introverts, the whole idea of dating fundamentally goes against their innate desire: to have regular access to uninterrupted alone time to recharge their social batteries. After all, it’s much harder to find this solitude when you suddenly have a partner to wants to spend time with you – and perhaps, one day, live with you.

Despite an estimated 25-40% of the population displaying introverted traits, being alone is often seen as something to pity by society, as if you are a loner who makes no effort to socialise. However, many of us adore being home alone with a pile of books and a hot bath – we don’t need another person present to ‘complete’ the moment. Not only does solitude allow time to recharge, but it’s also when many introverts report feeling at their most creative and clear-minded.

But how do you navigate this need for alone time when it comes to dating? If you’re dating another introvert, then you probably won’t need to worry, as they will understand your need for alone time (something they will certainly crave too). However, if you clicked on this article, we can safely assume that you’re an introvert, who is dating (or thinking of dating) someone who is an extrovert. Where to start?

Can an introvert date an extrovert?

It’s important to remember that just because your energy levels are not compatible, it doesn’t mean you, as individual people, cannot be. Some of the best connections are made between an introvert and an extrovert, as their differences can balance one another out.

Your opposing traits also call for a greater level or communication and understanding between you both, so you can better appreciate each other’s needs, and ensure neither one of you is feeling energetically unfulfilled.

Below, we’ve rounded up some helpful tips for any introvert who is dating an extrovert, to help you communicate your needs to each other clearly so you both enjoy a fulfilling relationship together…

3 tips for an introvert who is dating an extrovert

Say no when you’re not up for socialising

When it comes to socialising, you might want to hide at the thought of a night out, so ensure that you and your partner have polite excuses and emergency procedures in place for when you need a break.

Clear communication and honestly are both crucial here: forcing yourself to constantly keep up with their energy levels is likely to cause resentment within the relationship – not to mention social exhaustion for you.

Explain why you need alone time

For an extrovert who wants to be around people all the time, it might be hard to understand why you don’t want to spend time with them at a given moment. Be honest with your partner, so they realise that your alone time isn’t a rejection of them, it’s simply what you need to recharge.

Introversion aside, it’s also really important to remember who you are in a relationship. You aren’t just someone who is part of a relationship – you’re still your own independent person. Whether it’s writing, baking, yoga or football, you both need time and space to pursue your passions.

introvert dating extrovert tips

Make time for yourself

If you’re currently struggling to find adequate alone time during the day, take a look at both of your schedules and see where you can make time for yourself.

You could try getting up a little earlier, eating your breakfast alone, or finding half an hour before bed to read a book in blissful silence. Whether you’re an early bird or a late riser, ensure that you replenish your batteries with sufficient alone time.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Take out quiz to find out!

More inspiration: An introvert’s guide to video calls and meetings

Images: Shutterstock