How to be assertive

It can be hard standing up for yourself, say authors Conrad and Suzanne Potts, but you can learn to be stronger

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How to be assertive

Assertive behaviour is when you make a stand for your rights in a way that does not violate another personโ€™s rights, say the authors. Try these techniques:

Avoid I win/you lose. This world view assumes that we live in a hostile place and the way to survive is to be stronger โ€“ strike first; the best defence is attack.

Avoid I lose/you win. This world view assumes that your needs are not as important as those of others. Youโ€™re anxious about standing up for what you want and you assert yourself by making other people feel guilty or sorry for you.

Adopt I win/you win. This world view assumes that your rights are equally as important as others. Youโ€™re responsible for your own behaviour and its consequences.

How to get your point across:

  • Own your ideas, views and feelings: โ€˜This is how I see the situationโ€ฆโ€™
  • State what you want: โ€˜What I would prefer isโ€ฆโ€™
  • Focus on behaviour and facts versus opinions. โ€˜When I saw you do…โ€™
  • Distinguish opinion from fact: โ€˜In my viewโ€ฆโ€™
  • Be clear: โ€˜I donโ€™t have a preference what we doโ€ฆโ€™
  • Ask open questions that invite others to give their views.
  • Focus on what can be done: โ€˜I know it must be difficult, but we can take that into considerationโ€ฆโ€™

โ€˜Assertiveness: How To Be Strong In Every Situationโ€™ by Conrad and Suzanne Potts (Capstone, ยฃ10.99)

Image: Getty

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