“Worry is a waste of time. It does not change anything.
All it does is steal your joy and keeps you busy doing nothing.” Unknown
Will worry change the fact children are missing school and will this time make my child behind?
When I read this quote, it made me think of all the unknown parts of the situation we are in and the questions that I am unable to answer. I then realised how much I have pulled on all my training, knowledge, life experiences and things I enjoy too help to keep worry a thought but not an over thought or one that completely consumes my day.
I began to wonder… How have I done this?
What am I doing without realising that supports me and my child?
Where did I learn this and what skills, have I been using?
Like a light bulb switching on! I have been using the best bits! Parents do have superpowers … quotes and sayings, strategies and memories that guide you to do what you do. Now is the time to pull up and use fun memories, the helpful tips pasted on by others and the wisdom of the wise and old. And use them to support yourself and your family. There are sayings I use that can create a giggle in a possible tense moment with my child, which come from things I have heard my dad say. Filling time together and changing a difficult day with smells of baking, fresh bread and failed attempts at new recipes come from my mum’s skills and carefree approach, if dinner went wrong.
My strength has been knowing my weaknesses and when to email teachers for help as my knowledge does not stretch to home schooling a teenager in all his subjects. As a Pastoral Teaching Assistant, I listen and support children to build communication skills to have the confidence to let their teachers know when they are struggling. I know without a doubt when we share their problem the teacher will support them to accomplish or solve their worry the best they can. At this present time, I have supported my child to communicate with his teacher in the new form that we have.
After the first few days worrying about being a home school mum, I chose not to worry about his level of learning but to be happy with any learning he is doing because I am not a teacher and am unable to do what they do! Instead, choosing to teach him things I do know, like ways to deal with his emotions as new problems arise from learning at home. Having a laugh baking and washing the car or even a challenge getting him involved more in the running of the house, as it is not a magic house fairy who cooks dinner and looks after everything and all the pets. Our routine is not an early start or always on track or even pleasant the whole day! Every day is a new day and different from what we did before.
By focusing on what is in my control and things I can do, has supported me to not over worry about the things out of my control.
I believe parents do have Superpowers!
Without much thought or overthinking, what came to mind… what are your strengths, your hobbies, something you are good at, professional skills, a family members tips or sayings? What could you teach your children that they will not learn at school?
What I have been doing that works for us:
A little bit of angry, frustration, sad as well as other emotions, can be what we need to help us through a situation at that time but to much can get out of control. Paying attention to changes in our reactions and emotions by listening, watching, and interrupting if emotions appear to be getting bigger can change the outcome. Taking a break from what we are doing, leaving the task for another day, doing something completely different, or offering help to solve the problem can be enough.
Simple sentences “Can I help at all?” “I can see there’s a problem, how can I help?” “Would you like to do this now or in 20 minutes?”
- Bad Day
Is it going to be a bad day or was it a difficult 10 minutes or hour?
It is our own choice if a bad incident ruins our whole day!
Focusing on the best bit of each day or each hour can change how it effects the rest of our day.
- Relating and respecting each other
I am unable to change what I do if I didn’t know it’s annoying!
After a storm, when there is calm, if you can be kind in your manner, it is fine in our house to mention what specifically triggered your reaction and what could help to prevent it happening again. How do I know if you are not allowed to tell me!
- Something you like, something I like
Time for me, without you, personal space where everyone gets to do there own thing on their own, even if it is just for 10 minutes.
- Reassurance, emotions need a little help sometimes
Positive self-talk, being kind to me! There is no reason why you can’t talk to yourself the same way you would support and comfort a friend or family member.
In my control – if a worrying thought is in my control to change or fix the problem, I reassure that worrying feeling when I will have the time to fix it, so there is no need to continue going over it.
Not in my control – thanks but no thanks! This worry is not in my control to fix, by going over and over it will just make me feel worse and I’ll still not be able to change it. I personally write it down and throw it away.
I am just a parent who makes mistakes, who luckily through training to be an Emotional Wellbeing Coach now has a skill to help myself stop punishing me, overthinking, and continually getting stuck on a worrying thought. Take a moment, what skills do you have that help you the most.
Ali Monk, Ollie Coach
Ali (or Alison) has spent over 20 years working with children and their families. She has enjoyed a career as a nanny, 1 to 1 support in schools and currently following her passion supporting children with emotional and behavioural needs.
To get in contact with Ali, email Ali.firstname.lastname@example.org
To find out more about Ollie and his Super Powers and how to become an Ollie Coach go to www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com