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Happy New Decade

Which roles have you played in the last decade? Which do you no longer need and which do you want to grow?

Just a quick one to say thank you for being with me (some of you since I started blogging and Love Being Me back in 2012!).

Before I left for our trip away this year, I dug out my old diaries; not the deep and meaningful ones, but the ‘remember appointment and that football match’ kind.  I started back in 2009 and scanned through them all up until Christmas this year, making notes of what I was doing for work, what the kids were up to and what was going on at home.  It was eye opening. Such a decade of change.

Then I lovely coach down here offered us a reflection exercise, part of which asked ‘Which roles have you played?’

Great question!

I’ve played so many in the last decade and many of the roles persist:

  • Mother
  • Teacher
  • Homemaker

Some roles were/are social roles:

  • Wife
  • Divorcee
  • Girlfriend
  • Co-habittee
  • Friend
  • Sister
  • Daughter
  • Aunt

Some of the roles are professional:

  • National Emotional Literacy consultant and trainer
  • National College facilitator
  • Head of Drama
  • Academic
  • Consultant for the Welsh Assembly
  • Trainer

Some roles were very hard to live through:

  • Victim
  • A woman who had a breakdown
  • Menopausal woman (pre HRT!)

Some were significant in other ways:

  • Sweat-lodger
  • Indian Head massage student
  • Dog owner
  • Barefoot coach
  • Yoga student
  • Tourist

Some I’m super proud of:

  • Mum
  • Blogger
  • Author

Some roles are always present in every year of the decade:

  • Learner/student
  • Teacher
  • Mother
  • Friend

Others were linked to definite stages of life and child development:

  • Nurse
  • DVA expert
  • Divorce law expert (!)

Some roles I wanted, some were given to me and some seemed to socially emerge.

  • What roles have you played in the last decade?

Then, once you’ve looked through your old diaries and notes and got a list of your roles ask yourself the next question:

  • Which roles do you no longer need or want or have outgrown?  Which will you leave behind tonight  in 2019?  What did you learn from those roles? What do you need to do to shed those roles that no longer serve you?

So I definitely do not ever again want to be the victim of abuse and although that time was some years ago there are patterns I need to be aware of in myself and others that I need to be mindful of.  Nor do I ever want another breakdown.  I changed my life significantly in my recovery from that and still continue to pay attention to my mental and physical health as a matter of priority.

Then the fun bit looking forward to the next decade:

  • Which of your existing roles do you want to develop and grow and how will you do that?

So I want to develop my new role of ‘woman having riding lessons’ into ‘horsewoman’ in the next decade so in order to do that I need to have more lessons, hang out with horsey friends more and ride with horsey friends more.

I also want to be continue to develop my role of ‘nature girl’.  I want to keep making time to be outside everyday all year around and I want to continue to change and adapt my life to make that more and more possible.

I’m spending more and more time in community and love it and would like to develop this on my doorstep and on my travels.

I’m an eternal student and I wouldn’t want that to change and I love teaching, yoga and coaching so want to keep those roles but maybe find different ways to do them as I age through the next decade.

  • Then,  think about how old you will be in another decade’s time, how old your kids, your parents will be.  What roles do you want to bring in for yourself in the next decade?

My kids will become adults in the next decade so I really want to develop an ‘adventurer role’ where I travel and explore the inner and outer world while I am fit and well enough to do so.  I want to ride horses along beaches, spend more time with loved ones and friends. Laugh more, dance more, and be freer.

I want to be ‘woman with fewer responsibilities’.  I don’t want to take on any more commitments, no more pets, no more mortgages, no more obligations.  I want to shed not undertake.

  • Find a role buddy

I’ve already started talking to friends about our roles and I know it will really help as we can hold each other accountable and remind each other of what we want to grow and what we no longer want on the days when we can’t hold that for ourselves.

  • Doodle, research, chant, imagine

The more attention we pay to who we want to become, the more likely we are to become those people.  If I start to think about myself as a horsewoman, I will keep alert to horse opportunities.  If I research women who have traveled and adventured, they will give me courage to do the same myself.

So, make 2020 and the years which take us to 2030, years which make you glow.  Remember all you have learned from your previous roles and know that although you no longer want that role, the knowledge and wisdom we gain from them is gold.  Imagine in colour, dare to believe and talk to those who will support you in your dreams.

Warmest wishes to you all this New Year.



ps hop over for a chat if you want to talk to me about your roles

Julie Leoni

Julie Leoni

Coach, author, podcaster, facilitator, Yoga and psychology teacher, learner

I have over 30 years of experience and qualification in various therapeutic and meditation/mindfulness based approaches. I work with change. Some changes we chose, others happen to us.  Sometimes we know we want to change but don't know how. Sometimes we don't want to change but external events or people are forcing us to change. The menopause, children leaving home, the end of a relationship or job, becoming a parent, coming out, bereavement are just some of the personal changes I support people with. I also work with people who want to make changes to their life and wider world in response to social issues such as Covid, the climate crisis and racial, sexual and gender inequalities. Times are changing whether we want them to or not and we need to be nimble, agile, curious and open in order to part of the new story emerging. Work with me to get clear on what matters to you, what makes your heart sing and what kind of future you want for yourself and those you love. It is possible to live differently, get in touch to explore how.

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